Published in 2022

1)  The random grandma: Besides the generational discrepancy, what really gives this person away is the chipper demeanor. All the other parents at the party are suffering through their weekend day, which as parents, somehow are longer than a typical work day. Sure, this grandma thinks her grandkid is the best, but that doesn't stop her from grilling you about every detail about your kid. Me? I don't care about her grand kid. I just want my second cup of coffee of the day.
2)  Parents of the birthday kid: They’re on. Bringing their A game. That other parent in preschool they never acknowledge? Well, today they’re BFFs. The adrenaline of this long-anticipated (and dreaded) day finally being here is enough to carry these parents through the day.
3)  The dad who doesn’t usually take the kid to birthday parties: Awwwwkwwwwarddddd! He loves his kid, but doesn’t give a shit about yours. Just wants to be left alone while the clock ticks...ever....so...slowly.
4)  The aunt/uncle with no kids: It doesn't matter what their attitude is going into the day. The subtle cues of their relationship status don't matter either. Not today. Not after spending two plus hours with a dozen kids, and multiple hours before and after setting up and breaking it down. One thing we know, regardless of all of the previously mentioned variables, these people will have no desire to have sex that night.

5)  The pizza delivery guy: no explanation necessary